Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Accidents Happen

Time, so often, is not actually on our side. Pick a day from your past week, and recreate the day as it went along, in a time-stamp format (see below). Make your day as interesting as possible to a reader.

My day is boring. Even my work day goes something like
2:30 Run Paperbacks
4:00 Work on Sports section
5:00 Lunch
6:00 Buy counter
8:00 Register

not glamorous. So instead, I'll give you a taste of the level of ridiculousness involved in the damned video game I'm currently involved in.

Day in the life of Bubs the Assassin. (For some reason, anytime I have the option to name a character, he's always named Bubs.)

8:00 Awake from deep slumber and uneasy dreams with a fierce hunger and a throbbing headache.

8:05 Step outside of my cabin and immediately take damage from the sunlight outside. (This is the part where I explain that my character has been turned into a Vampire and until he finds a cure, he's moderately vulnerable to sunlight. Feeding off another character temporarily alleviates this problem, allowing him to walk in the daylight, but sleeping starts the cycle over again. It's a pain in the ass.)

8:06 Haul ass across town to the alley where Fralav the Faker sleeps. If I move fast enough, I can catch this homeless beggar still sleeping on his bedroll. As I run, I start to smoke and lose life points because of the sun damage.

8:10 Arrive in the alley and feed off a still sleeping Fralav. The smoking stops and I cast a healing spell to repair the damage I've taken. I'm spotted by a city guard who thinks I'm trying to rob the sleeping beggar. I haul ass again.

8:15 Exit the Imperial City gates and travel by horse to the nearby city of Cheydinhal to meet with my superior at the Assassins guild.

10:15 Receive assignment to kill a man named Baenlin from the nearby town of Bruma in a very specific manner. Since it has to look like an accident, I'm given a detailed set of instructions to follow.

10:20 Leave for Bruma

12:30 Arrive at the Bruma city gates and proceed to Baenlin's house.

12:35 Pick the lock on the basement entrance and enter the house. Once inside, sneak through the basement and up to the main house. Carefully avoiding detection by Baenlin's manservant Gromm, make my way to the second floor. This is especially important since killing anyone aside from the intended victim will void the bonus that I earn for a clean kill.

12:38 Once on the second floor, move to the master bedroom and find the hidden passage behind the bed. Once inside, move to far end of the wall and find the bolts on the wall. The bolts hold up a stuffed Minotaur head that's mounted on the wall above Baenlin's chair in the living room. The idea is to wait for Baenlin to sit down for his evening reading session and then loosen the bolt, bringing the Minotaur head crashing down on him. He sits down to read every evening between 8 and 11.

1:00 Wait

2:00 Wait

3:00 Wait

4:00 Wait

5:00 Wait
(it should be noted that though the game clock does move at an accelerated pace, this mission still required some realtime waiting until the dude got home. I left the game running with my character crouching in a dark closet, while I walked away and did dishes and made a burger.)

6:00 Wait

7:00 Wait

8:03 Hearing voices on the other side of the wall, I listen until I'm sure Baenlin is sitting down where he should be. I loosen the bolt and the stuffed head falls off the wall, instantly killing the mark. In the ensuing chaos, I easily sneak through the house, back through the basement and out into the night.

10:20 Arrive back in Cheydinhal and report to my guild superior.

10:25 Receive payment for the kill and a bonus for following the assignment to the letter.

10:30 Find random sleeping beggar named Luckless Lucina in an alley and feed just for shits and giggles. This isn't necessary, but hey I'm a Vampire.

10:35 Being away from home, I find a bed at the Newlands Lodge.

10:36 Sleep and start this dirty business all over again tomorrow.

This is my life...

Gnarls Barkley - Would Be Killer


Salena said...

What game is this!? And how do you have time for vidya games? I can't believe you're reading and commenting on others' posts. I barely have time to post for 30 dow and do my novel.
btw, i'm at almost 29,000 words! yay!

tipsy texter said...

awesome. bubs definitely has an interesting life. glad you went that route :)