Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Do what, now?

Think back to a word or phrase that you may have misheard as a child. Either write a story (memoir-style) about your misuse of the word OR write a story using the word in the context in which you originally understood it.

Out in the streets
The dogs are on the run
The cats are all in heat
Out in the streets
Snakes are all around you
Dirty rats are on their way
They control you and they'll make you pay

(written by Rudolf Schenker, Klaus Meine & Herman Rarebell AKA The SCORPIONS)

Anyone familiar with 80's power metal, knows the Scorpions, or The Mother F'ing Scorps in metal talk. Along with AC/DC, these guys are one of the most stereotypically metal bands in all of creation. They are the bands that Spinal Tap aspires to be. Just look at the lyrics. You get dogs. You get cats. No surprises there. They kinda go hand in hand in the animal world. Then come the snakes. Snakes are pretty metal, what with Satan disguising himself as one in the Garden. And Rats. Well, there was a HairMetal (a completely different sub section of the tree) band called Ratt that would one day tour with the Scorpions, or at least they should have if they didn't actually. All in all, this opening line from the song "Bad Boys Running Wild" (as bad boys are wont to do) is pretty balls heavy. It's no "knocking you out with those American thighs", but it'll do in a pinch.

And then we get to the last line. The last word really. And it all comes down, as it usually does, to pronunciation. You see lead singer Klaus Meine, German Gelfling Metal God that he is, cannot for the life of him manage to lose his German accent when he sings. It's one of the reasons he's so Metal. A song like "Still Loving You" comes out as "Steel Lahffing Yuuuu" with Umlauts over the u's. Hot, right? Anyway.

So back to those Bad Boys with their dogs and cats and snakes and rats. There they are, on the run, in heat, on the street, all around you, on their way, controlling you. And then they make you...


That's what I heard and that's what I thought. Those Goddam Bad Boys with their wild running were planning on making me urinate in my pants. I'm mean, I suppose that's possible. What would YOU do if you were walking down the street and saw a crazed vicious menagerie storming toward you. Oh, maybe the dogs and cats are okay, but any gang that accepts both snakes and rats is a gang you don't want to fuck with. You might do your best to just avoid them altogether. In fact, the Scorpions themselves suggest as much later on in the song.

Bad boys running wild
If you don't play along with their games
Bad boys running wild
And you better get out of their way

Fucking Bad Boys. They would be a continued bane to my existence, what with staying out of their way, and then being asked a few years later what I was gonna do when they came for me (this, being the result of another misunderstanding. I didn't realize that the latter song in question was addressed to the Bad Boys themselves, rather than being a warning to ME). Incidentally, the true iconic representation of Bad Boys, has nothing to do with Will Smith and Martin Lawrence. Everyone knows that the real Bad Boys in question, and that's who the Scorpions sing about, are Sean Penn and Esai Morales.
Now I gotta go urinate in my pants.

The Scorpions - Bad Boys Running Wild

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