Friday, November 7, 2008

When Coccinellids Attack Pt. 6

From Peter Benchley’s Jaws to Stephen King’s Cujo, one of the most frightening things to many people is our absolute inability to control nature, specifically animals. I hate that. Instead of making people afraid to go into the water, write a satirical piece (poem, paragraph, short story, whatever) about an unusual animal going crazy and killing people.

Scientist at the American Ontomological Institute are still at a loss to explain the sudden occurence of viscious swarms of Coccinellids, more commonly known as Ladybugs, at the Mall Of America in Bloomington, Minnesota. With at least four attacks in the last week, swarms of Coccinellids have managed to annoy dozens of shoppers and disrupt business at Ruby Tuesdays, Bubba Gump Shrimp Company and Nordstroms. In addition, the SpongeBob SquarePants Rock Bottom Plunge at Nickelodeon Universe was shut down for fifteen minutes and six ceremonies at the Chapel Of Love were postponed until next week.

The Mall of America originally introduced thousands of ladybugs into its indoor park as a natural means of pest control for its gardens, and mall owners were at a loss to explain the seemingly overnight transformation of the previously docile insects into frenzied annoyances. A Simon Properties spokesperson spoke on condition of anonimity, "Yeah, it's just fucking weird. One minute we were at the weekly mall board meeting at Rainforest Cafee, and suddenly a Biblical swarm of Ladybugs engulfed the entire restaurant." He goes on, "No one was hurt or anything. And to tell you the truth, they are really cute when they're angry...It's just really fucking weird"

He went on to urge patrons to not let this interfere with their Holiday shopping plans and to remind parents that the LEGO imagination center was still open.


s i n c l a i r said...

"Bubba Gump Shrimp Company..." nIce detail. I actually went to the MofA last summer and it was terrifying, even without the ladybugs. Excellent details, I could totally picture this.

Carol said...

I am actually a survivor of a ladybug swarm attack. Seriously. One summer while I was working in Yosemite, billions of ladybugs swarmed the park. You could find them covering trees,tent cabins- everywhere. They pissed off the horses (I was a guide) and we had one or two days where people got bucked off because the ladybugs were flying all about. The worst was when you'd take a shower and ladybugs would crawl out of all kinds of places- ears, bra... and yeah. There, too.