You're the best! Nothing's ever gonna keep you down!

It's National _____ Day! Yay! These days, there's a National Day for most things, but surely there are a few, lonely spots on the calendar that need filling. Create your own National Day (make sure it doesn't already exist, first). Be sure to pick a date for it, and give it a happy name. Let the world know about your day by writing a short press release with all of the vital information.

American Society for the Supreme Appreciation of Ralph Macchio

Contact: Mel Melman
Tel: 555/432-1111
Cell: 555/678-9999
Email: melman@assarm.com

A.S.S.A.R.M. Announces the official adoption of Macchio Day

Tomorrow, the favorite son of Huntington, Long Island finally gets his due when President George W. Bush formally signs a bill declaring the first Monday in November a national holiday honoring the work of American icon, Ralph Macchio.

Born November 4, 1961, Macchio first came to prominence in the early 1980’s as a feature player on the television series Eight Is Enough. His breakthrough role came as the troubled youth Johnny Cade in the film adaptation of S.E. Hinton’s classic novel, The Outsiders in 1983.

The following year, Macchio appeared in the title role of a little movie called the Karate Fucking Kid. He was off the hook. He was so off the hook that he made the movie again two more times. Proof of his talent came when they tried to make the movie a fourth time, only this time with some horse-faced girl. They did not think anyone would notice, but the movie tanked. Seriously.

In signing the bill, President Bush praised Macchio’s performance as a model of perseverance. He said, "Daniel San is an inspiration to all Americans. When Johnny swept his leg on the orders of evil Chuck Norris, Daniel San could have stayed down. He could have listened to the crowd and obeyed the timetables and left the field. But that would have meant leaving as a loser. Just showing up and making it through the first fight should have made him the winner. His mission was accomplished. But instead, he had to stay and fight for longer than he expected. That’s cool. He stayed and fought as long as he had to and he beat the terrorists…9/11!"

Observation will begin in 2009.

Helen Love - Beat Him Up